Kansas City Life Coach

The Work/Life Balance Hoax

I gave a talk a couple of years back about work/life balance.

Well, that’s what they asked me to talk about. And I did... I talked about it...

 

I talked about how work/life balance is a hoax, and how striving for it sets us up for failure.

 

I recall someone at the end raising their hand in a confused sort of way: “So... no balance?!” she asked. "Nope. No balance."

the work/life balance hoax

Instead, I suggested...

 

Clarity.

Clarity around what matters most to you.

 

Priorities.

Priorities in regards to what is a must… and what is a could… or worse yet, a should.

 

Agreements.

Agreements are healthier than expectations. They take the emotion our of the deal, and put the focus on choices and not personalities.

 

We cannot balance work and life.

 

We can’t put our roles into compartments and then be an employee or a business owner in one scheduled lot of time and then be a mom or friend, or whatever else in the other section of time.

You are the employee and the dad. Or the mom and the business owner. Or any other combination of possibilities.

 

You are not your roles. But your clarity about what matters most to you, and how you prioritize your agreements matter.

 

Create healthy agreements to experience a deeper satisfaction...

Work/Life Harmony

 

- Sylvia 

 

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Cultivating An Appreciation Mindset

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Today, I am talking about how to cultivate a mindset of appreciation

My last post talked about "How to Show Appreciation Without Being a Schmoozer." If you haven't checked that post out, go do so now. In it, I share a couple of simple yet direct ways to express appreciation without getting too mushy. It'll serve you at work, home, and beyond.

Since writing that post, I've come to realize the tricky thing about appreciation does not just lie in the art of expressing it, but, also, in the ability to look for it. You see, the art of expressing appreciation goes hand in hand with the ability to consciously seek out reasons to feel appreciation. 

When it comes to cultivating an appreciation mindset, there is a significant shift involved.

As mentioned before, vocalizing appreciation comes more naturally for some people. Regardless, it's a habit that can be cultivated with practice. The same is true for an 'appreciation mindset.'

If you are looking for reasons to appreciate, you will find them. If you are looking for problems, you will find them. This is the true power of a mindset shift: thoughts create our reality.

I'm reminded of a story about a client of mine.

She was frustrated with her husband. She was feeling overwhelmed and under-supported.

I said to her, "Tell me some of the ongoing thoughts that you're having day in and out about your husband." It's probably no surprise that she was stuck in a very negative thought loop.

I mean, I could easily see how these stories were causing her frustration. I coulda jumped right into it with her. Yes! Yes! Yes! Those things are all very frustrating!

But, here's the flip...

"Tell me about all of the wonderful things your husband does for you, your family, and even for himself," I said to her next.

It took her a while to get started, but once she did, she had a bundle of great things to say. She kept going and going, because there really were so many things...

"How do you feel now that you have been thinking about all of this?" I asked.

"I feel better," she replied.

When it comes to these two different sets of stories you can choose to tell about your husband, which version makes you feel better about you?" I asked.

"The latter, of course," she said.

"Practice that," I said to her.

Practice finding reason to appreciate whenever possible.

Appreciate yourself.

Appreciate your spouse.

Appreciate your neighbors.

Appreciate your colleagues.

Appreciate what they are showing you about yourself.

Appreciate the contrast they allow you to discover, which further shows you what you do want for yourself.

Appreciate the lessons around you whenever possible. {It's always possible.}

truly,

-Sylvia

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The Crippling Disadvantage of a Disempowered Mindset

The Crippling Disadvantage of a Disempowered MindsetI was raking my yard yesterday (because feminism) and I have to confess: for the first patch of my raking endeavors, I had a very disempowered mindset. It was kinda funny though, because just a few weeks ago I recall raking my front yard and having a blast. A blast, you say? Really? Yes, it was a blast. Because the weather was great. Because I was ready to get out of the house and away from my laptop. Because my body craved some hard work. And because raking my yard on my own makes me feel like SheRa. Okay. I don't know much about SheRa but my friend told me about her and it sounds like she was pretty great.

Yesterday, however, I found myself in the midst of a disempowered mindset. I was way in my head with all too many thoughts (you know we have 60,000-70,000 of them per day, right?). I was feeling a bit stuck and some sort of "behind."

Well, thoughts like these love to be fondled and I knew just the thing to do. I needed to move. Again and again I forget this. A disempowered mindset is not a fate you are stuck with for a lifetime, or even for an entire day.

You can move your body to free your mind.

It didn't happen right away. The first 30 minutes? My mind was still winning .

But strenuous yard work leaves little room for thought fondling (see what I did there?!).

I chose movement to move myself out of useless mind drama.

I know, I know. Some of you are at a desk working.

And some of you are there 'till it's dark.

But there's no {good} reason you can't find a solid 10 minute to move your body in some kind of way.

You see, the crippling disadvantage of a disempowered mindset is that you aren't really living (or performing, or serving, or loving, or working) when you're stuck in your head. And that's exactly where a disempowered mindset keeps you.

There are a few great, known ways to get out of your head: Inquiry (questions). Meditation (shut it off). Movement (the brain changes when we move). It's science and stuff.

My coaching offers solutions through inquiry. But you can do the movement thing or meditation thing on your own.

truly,

-Sylvia